Funny Answering Machine Messages…

In one of my previous residences, we had what I considered to be the most unusual answering machine message ever. People would regularly call the house to sell us something, hear the message and then call back a few mins later with all their colleagues listening in (yes, we did screen our calls a lot).

Listen here: Our old answering machine message

I was reminded of this today when I came across some other funny answering machine messages:

Like Barney (the purple dinosaur):
I’ll call you, cause you called me.
We’re the ______ family.
So leave your name and number at the tone.
Sorry that we’re not at home.

“Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we’ll assimilate you as soon as we can.”

You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is “The Twilight Phone”

These words are lovely dark and deep
But I’ve got promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
So leave a message at the beep.

Roses are red, booger’s are green, please leave your message on this stupid machine.

Concatenation of events preclude our coming to the phone. Please speak freely, with magniloquence upon occasion of the tone.

And in case you are wondering, my current answering machine message (yes, we still get a lot of wrong numbers, but this seems to dissuade a lot of them!):

“Greetings Earthlings, we believe you know what you’re supposed to do after the beep!”